


Familiarity

by Remunzel



Category: My Candy Love
Genre: F/M, Mention of sex, Nobody Dies, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, but no sex scene, it starts as sappy romantic comedy and it ends in tragedy, only our souls, romantic tragedy of course, you'll never get a sex scene out of me bitches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 03:38:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16802890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remunzel/pseuds/Remunzel
Summary: As she stared into his eyes, she wondered how long she could stay away before she started forgetting the trait of his nose, how long before the line of that smile started to change. She didn’t want to forget and she didn’t want him to change without her.





	Familiarity

**Author's Note:**

> The reason why I decided to write this story is to put an end to Kentin’s, Armin’s and Lysandre’s routes. I personally don’t despise the idea of leaving few boys behind in the sequel, but having them go like that, when our story was just begun or without a proper closure, so really annoying. To have a four years jump with a simple “I was too distance, it’s finished” was almost an insult to my intelligence. Since I know many other people, like me, got really upset about it, I decided to make the two wheels in my brain turn properly and write something about it, to give me my endings myself. I tried to be as vague as possible about Candy’s aspect, personality and interests, because everyone has their owns and transfers their own into her, but sometimes it was just not possible.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter is Kentin. It is 13k words long, yet I wanted to insert so much more into it… More dates, more drama at the end,… Hope I still did a good job and gave a good enough closure for our beloved Kentin. Next one is Armin!  
> This is the first time I write for AO3 so I don’t know how to use its format fully. Also, English is not my first language so forgive me for any mistake.

Candy stretched both arms and legs as far as she could physically do, as the alarm rang for what must have been the tenth time.  
«Still not ready to wake up, princess?».  
She blushed a vivid red, finally opening her eyes in order to glare at Kentin, staring right back at her from his position on the ground. He was sitting with his legs crossed on the floor and the arms crossed on the mattress, the head resting upon them; he was smiling, that kind and enamoured smile of his that transpired love and care and devotion.  
«Your bed is too comfortable», Candy managed to reply after few seconds of loss into those big green eyes.  
Kentin laughed, but didn’t avert his gaze. «You don’t have to move then. But eat the breakfast at least, it is getting colder».  
Candy looked confused at the alarm and soon realized that two hours had passed from her first wake up in the morning and her current situation. «Sorry!» she exclaimed, honestly mortified. «I’m such a terrible girlfriend, I shouldn’t have left you alone all morning long!».  
«It’s no problem. You’re a beautiful sleeper», he replied, causing some more blushing.  
«What did my equally beautiful boyfriend prepare for me, Mr. Chef?».  
«The chef made some delicious heart shaped eggs and two bacon toasts with a once-hot-now-cold glass of milk».  
«You’re right, I should have woken up sooner! Hot milk is the best milk!» Candy replied, finally moving up to a sitting position but staying well cuddled between the covers nonetheless. «Didn’t figure you for a big breakfast eater tho. I was expecting some fruit and cereal milk… Maybe a juice…».  
«Maybe… But this doesn’t mean that I cannot spoil you».  
The way Kentin was looking at her would have made Candy feeling naked, if it wasn’t that she was actually still naked –and messy and probably a bit smelly- and eating heart shaped eggs while miserably trying to cover her boobs up. But she was comfortable; if they’d once told her that she was going to live a similar situation, she would have screamed and refused to talk to Kentin for the next ten years, but now she was actually okay with the all peak-a-boob ordeal. Kentin was soothing. All about him had the ability to make her feel at ease, as if his bedroom was the place she was meant to be. The sweetness, the loving gaze, the undisputed love,… How could it have taken so long for her to notice him, the way he had noticed her? She wasn’t exactly the epitome of smartness, but this was still unbelievable.  
She wasn’t so dumb still, and as she bit down at the bacon toast, she promised herself not to let him go. He was a prince, he’s always been and for far too long she’d been too focused on other people’s drama to fully realize how many opportunities she was missing with him. Now she was free, unemployed, scholastically confused and ready to spent as much time as possible with her beloved. No more drama to follow, just Kentin and Candy.  
«What are you thinking at?» Kentin asked, bringing her back to reality.  
Candy smiled. «At how much I love you».  
It was only a second, but it looked like he was about to cry.  
«Finish your breakfast in peace, I just walk Cookie out».  
«Don’t even think about it!» she replied, holding him next to her. «I want to come with you… I don’t want to lose any second of you, today!».

***

That day they went to the park with Cookie and spent a few good hours just chilling and cuddling before they had to part. Maybe it was because they were still euphoric about the night before or maybe it was the feeling of freedom that came with the end of the school, but on the spot that felt like the best day in their life. On second thought, maybe the second best day of their life: they had already organized to meet again the day after and go together to the yearly city carousel. With all luck, they were going to spend the day having fun and eating cotton candy; with all due misfortune, they were going to bump into the entire high school gang, Amber’s squad included. Not like that would have stopped them from enjoying their romantic date.  
Candy wore her best dress and brushed her hair. She spent more time than necessary on her makeup, but somehow managed to reach the carousel on time. Kentin was already there –of course he was- and was, if possible, even more beautiful than the day before.  
«Hope I didn’t make you wait long» she said, basically throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him.  
«Don’t worry» he replied, reciprocating the kiss. «I reached sooner than expected and did the tickets already».  
The smiled at each other and intertwined their fingers, fully immersing themselves in the crowded area. The plaza, usually empty and grey, was filled with colourful balloons for the occasion. Big food stands scattered here and there decorated the perimeter of the plaza, their sellers screaming the most incredible names: explosive burgers, balloon red peppers, triple choco-chip mint bomber ice creams,…  
«What’s a bomber ice cream?»  
«I don’t know!»  
Both of them laughed and kept walking around. The merry-go-round was standing out against the stand and the people’s head; its red and yellow coverage was eye-blinding and the childish rhythms playing on its speakers were surprisingly catchy. Under the coverage, and among the noise and the heads of the people and the amount of flying balloon peppers and balloons, were rotating horses of all sizes, colours and mood: there was one tiny pink horse with a smiling snout, another big, big black one that was screaming, a patchwork pony whose legs’ position made him look drunk. Or just happy about the funny music to dance over.  
«It’s so nice!» Candy exclaimed, jumping on the spot for the excitement. «C’mon, I really want to ride the patchy one!».  
«Hey, that one is mine!».  
«Who comes first rides first!».  
Candy started to run as fast as she could between the mass of people, while Kentin tried his best to catch her. Maybe not his best. Kentin was used to physical training and loved to run in the park in the morning, so he should have caught her in no time. Instead, it was more like he was feigning loss on purpose, just to make Candy laugh a bit more and let her sit on her favourite carousel horse.  
It was something very small and probably also childish, in some way, but she felt… _warm_ inside, realizing what Kentin was doing for her. It was just a ride, after all, and they were probably going to have more than one, still she liked how he was ready to give up his favourite horse to let her ride her favourite horse. Or pony. Or whatever, just… It was just the thought, not the animal itself, of course, nor the ride, nor the carousel,… The idea that he was doing it was special and made her _feel_ special.  
«Why don’t we… Why don’t we both sit on the patchy pony?» she suggested, trying to hide the red on her cheeks.  
«That’s a good compromise».  
Their lips touched automatically and only the queue asking them to advance forced them to move forward toward the merry-go-round.  
It was a nice time. They sat on the drunken pony and then moved on to the angry black one. During one of the rides, a bug scared Candy and she felt from her horse, causing her to experience half of the ride from the uncomfortable cold of the metal floor.  
«Are you okay?» asked Kentin, joining her on the ground as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
«Yeah, I just… I got scared by that bug».  
«Maybe we should stop riding for a while and enjoy some food instead».  
Candy nodded. «Sounds like the best idea to me».  
They waited for the ride to end and then partook from the queue to approach the pompous food stands. They were almost outrageous, in their equally unmatched colour schemes, but the smell coming from some of them was so inviting they both couldn’t help but get captured by them.  
«Those crepes smell like paradise» Candy commented. Her belly was growling already, wanting to be fed, and her eyes were glued to the chocolate filled desserts in front of her. «Do you want one?».  
Kentin denied. «I’m sorry but I was thinking something more… dietetic?».  
«Oh my, I don’t know how to tell you this but…», Candy made suspenseful moment of silence, before ending her sentence, «… You can’t care about diet when you’re at a carousel. Nor when you’re my boyfriend. Especially if you are my boyfriend at a carousel».  
«You’re so silly!» he laughed, jokingly shoving her aside.  
«Oh no, I’m serious! Food is the fuel of my existence. I’m nothing without food and food is nothing without me».  
«Stop it! You’re starting to sound like Rosa!».  
Like the Devil popping out into the story as his name was made, so Candy’s phone started buzzing at the sound of that sentence and a familiar ringtone played in the meantime as Rosa’s little icon appeared on the screen.  
«I cannot believe you have a personalized ringtone for Rosa» Kentin mumbled, failing to hide his chuckles behind his hands.  
«I have it for Rosa _and Alexy_ , thank you very much».  
« _Wannabe_?».  
She up-downed her eyebrows suggestively and picked up the call. «What else… Hi Rosa!».  
Candy moved her hands in a way that could make Kentin understand he was in charge of the food line as long as she was busy with Rosalya on the phone. Nothing long, luckily, and luckily nothing serious.  
«Candy, where are you?» said the slightly automatic voice of her best friend.  
«At the carousel with Kentin, where are you? This is the only day, it will be months before they do it again».  
There was silence for a moment, before Rosa whispered: «I cannot believe you forgot».  
«Forgot wha- Oh shit…».  
She mentally slammed her head and physically did it as well. How could she be so stupid? She was supposed to pick Rosa up at the station today, she’d just come back from her holiday with Leigh and had specifically asked her to come meet her at the station before spending the rest of the day talking about their amazing weekends. Stupid Candy.  
«I’m sorry, Rosa, I forgot».  
«It’s okay», she replied, but she didn’t seem to believe it. «We contacted Lys already».  
«I can come now if you want…».  
«No, enjoy your date. It’s okay. We’re going to talk about it with Lys».  
Candy felt so guilty in that moment, she wanted to dig a hole in the ground and bury herself right there. She was too taken by the sudden turn of events to remember that something different than her and Kentin existed in the world and had completely forgotten that she was supposed to meet with Rosa that day. Stupid, stupid Candy.  
«I promise, you tell me a day and I get myself free from morning to afternoon for you only».  
Rosa pondered about it for a second, then her voice became cheerful again. «Okay. Tomorrow. Alexy and us. Mall. If you ditch us, I ditch your body in a hole».  
«You read my mind» Candy replied, before exchanging some final words and then closing the call.  
She turned around to re-join Kentin in the queue, only to find out he wasn’t there anymore. As much as her frame could help her, Candy tried stretching her neck over the heads of the mass and search for that familiar messy scalp. She moved her head left and right, but Kentin wasn’t to be found. He was always such a calm and collected guy, he didn’t look like somebody who could leave her alone in the middle of a crowded fair, nor somebody who could leave his position from a food stand.  
She was about to pick up her phone again and call him, when a pair of arms surround her from behind. «Where you looking for someone?» a voice asked her and the kiss that was pressed against the back of her head was so reassuring she couldn’t even bring herself to be mad at him for his absence anymore.  
«I was looking for you» she answered, before noticing the big fluff of pink cotton candy making a show of itself in her boyfriend’s hand. «What about the crepes?», she asked.  
«The queue was too long. Also, I really wanted to share this with you».  
«I think I will accept your offer» she said, taking a bite from the fluffy substance.  
They intertwined their fingers again and started to just randomly walk here and there around the plaza, pleasing themselves with the sound of the children’s smiles and the funny tunes ringing in the background, from the merry-go-round. It was getting chilly outside and the sun was fading behind the taller buildings, but it was also very nice to just be there and stay there, together.  
«Is everything okay with Rosa?» Kentin asked, after few minutes of mindless walking.  
Candy shook her head. «Yes and no. I forgot I had an appointment with her today. We’ll meet tomorrow at the mall».  
«Oh» was all Kentin had to comment. Candy raised her face to look at him and found him biting his lips and lowering his eyes on the ground.  
«Oh? Is something wrong?».  
«No, it’s just… You know… I wanted to ask you if you wanted to stay over again… You know…».  
He was getting redder and redder by the minute and she knew the same was happening to her burning cheeks.  
«Well!» she exclaimed, probably three times louder than a normal human being should have ever exclaimed the word “well”. «We can still do it. I mean, when I say “do it” I mean… I mean sleep together… Not in that sense! But if you want also in that sense! I mean! I mean we can do what we feel like doing do we can do it or _do it_ and… And then I leave before lunch to meet with Rosa and Alex and… And if you don’t want me over it’s still okay».  
«Fine by me» he agreed, pitching his voice.  
«Fine».  
«Fine».  
They both breathed in all the air they forgot to breathe in the last two minutes and then glared at the world like it was super interesting. Candy made sure nobody eavesdropped their conversation and while she was at it, she also thanked whoever loved her enough to keep all her friends away from the carousel and from her perfect boyfriend _and from that terrible dialogue he was most likely going to make even if they were there_. Oh God. Which panties had she chosen that day?  
Her mind was already reviving the morning routing, when Kentin’s voice distracted her from her thoughts.  
«I’m really happy you accepted to come to the carousel» he said, sitting on a nearly bench and patting the place next to him for her to sit. «I was worried you were going to find it too childish».  
«I really love the rides!».  
«I know but…». The way Kentin’s shoulders tensed and how his hand went to scratch the back of his neck as a comforting habit was now getting familiar with Candy. She knew he was about to say something meaningful and private and was searching for the best words to. She automatically brought her own hands over Kentin’s free one and held it tightly. He tensed a bit more, but didn’t say anything. His eyes closed. He breathed. Then he focused on her face. The way his irises melted into hers was astounding and mesmerising and unique and if she had a chance, she would have spent the life right there, on that cold bench, staring Kentin’s jade eyes forever.  
«You know you can tell me anything» she whispered.  
He breathed some more, than gave up: «It’s no secret by now that I’ve been having a crush on you since the first year of high school. A giant crush on you, if we want to be honest… When I think back about that period, it’s like I cannot recognize that Kentin anymore and at the same time, I can’t help but… help him, you get my point? I’m not sure how to explain it and maybe I shouldn’t because I feel so ridiculous right now».  
«You’re not».  
Kentin smiled in Candy’s direction, though his attention wasn’t really on her. It was a melancholic smile and it felt like he was staring into the void, into something distant passing through her skull, into his own self of those years ago.  
«When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. You were objectively stunning, but there was that kindness in your smile and that purple in your cheeks as strangers approached you,… You were stunning outside and I could clearly see you were stunning even inside. Me on the other hand,… Well, I was a total looser».  
«Don’t say like that-».  
«But you know it’s true. People bullied me, girls avoided me, teachers pitied me,… I had no friends and even if you were nice, I knew you couldn’t stand me either. Not with all the pestering and bothering I did to catch your attention… I don’t blame you, don’t worry. _I blame myself_. I was so obsessed with you and the fairytale-like idea that you were a princess and I was a prince and that we were meant that I… I never really tried to make other friends and I spent a big part of my time ruining your life as well. Damn, I went as far as moving to a different high school after you did… Don’t get me wrong, given how things turned out to be, I’m glad I did but at the same time I can’t help but hate what I used to be. What your first impressions of me had to be».  
«Why are you telling me all this, Kentin?».  
«Because I’m glad I’m different; that that little Ken is no more. Because I was obsessed with you and it wasn’t healthy and while I never stopped liking you, I had the chance to turn this feeling from an obsession to a real interest into a person that’s not just made up by my personal imagination and some princely dream, but by dialogues and sharing experiences and care,… But at the same time I feel so bad for that little Ken who tried his best to fail miserably. You see, back then I kept thinking all the things we could do once we were a couple; I planned all the dates, all the gifts, all the routines,… Little Ken would have loved to bring you to the carousel and to…I mean to… To eat a cotton candy together…».  
Candy listened to the entire story holding her breath. Of course she remembered her first impressions of Kentin and how clingy he used to be toward her. But that was in the past, it was an old story, something that she wasn’t thinking about too much anymore. And even if that was the case, what did it matter? What did it matter if he was a loser? She was a strange kid too, everybody used to be, what did it matter if she didn’t fall in love immediately? She loved him now, that was the most important thing.  
She could have said all of this stuff, reassure him that it was okay and that she treasured those memories as well, that somehow the were important for them. Yet she was still too struck by that knot forming in her chest for her brain to think rationally and for those deep words to leave her mouths.  
After some seconds of silence she could just say: «Is this why you went to the cotton candy shop and not the crêpe one?».  
Luckily Kentin wasn’t too offended by his girlfriend focusing on that minor detail and nodded.  
«Well, this cotton candy is delicious, little Ken was a futurist».  
And that was about it, there were no other words needed. Kentin started to laugh against her shoulder and maybe to cry and he was so utterly beautiful that Candy couldn’t help but kiss his temples in front of everybody and dirty his hair with the sugary substance stuck on her lips.  
«He was an innocent child» he agreed, hugging her tighter. «Maybe too pure for his own survival».  
«Is this why we killed him?» Candy joked, now dirtying his face on purpose.  
Kentin’s eyes were still red and his face was pale, but he was visibly more relaxed now. «We didn’t kill him. And what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so he is now an impure like the rest of the world».  
«Uh, and what does this impure plans on doing with his life now?».  
«You could come to my house and find it out».  
Candy watched as her beloved stood from the bench with a happy –but still puffy- face, his hand stretched toward her for her to grab it. She knew the ghost of the old Ken was going to haunt him still, but she wasn’t letting him ruining what for her was still a fairytale.

***

«So… A white birdie told me that a horny birdie was spotted with a sexy birdie few days ago…».  
Candy spat her coffee right in Rosalya’s face, drawing more than a colourful protest from the girl.  
«Did you tell him!?» Candy protested louder, her face completely red.  
«Tell me what?» Alex insisted, his smile as devious as possible. «That you slept over at Kentin’s? That you did it twice? That you engaged in more than friendly nightly activities with our muscular soldier? That this is the real reason why you disappeared for an entire week?».  
Candy growled and hid her flushing face behind her hands. The mall wasn’t too crowded that day and neither was its bar, so it wasn’t like somebody could really spy on their conversation… Still it didn’t feel less embarrassing speaking about her “nightly activities” in the middle of such and open –and public!- place.  
Alex’s grin grew in side and mischief at the size of his friend’s embarrassment and Rosa’s tries to make him stop weren’t so convincing. While she tried to make him stop, it was clear that she was the first who wanted to know everything about the infamous night that just passed.  
«She’s not obligated to tell us!» she said, «Even if as friends is nice for us to know, you know».  
«At least a yes or no» he continued.  
«A nod or a denial».  
«A little detail».  
«A size detail».  
«Rosa!» Candy finally busted, slamming both her hands on the table. She didn’t need to see her own face to know she was as red as a chilli and probably equally hot and fuming.  
«What? We’re friends, you can trust us with these things».  
Alex agreed with her: «Yeah, I mean… I know all about Leigh’s banana».  
As Rosa nodded vehemently, Candy’s energy seemed to leave her body. She was still too new to the whole sex part of a relationship to be comfortable talking about it. She never asked about Leigh’s “banana” and did fine knowing absolutely nothing about it. If she wanted to be honest, she didn’t even know anything about Kentin’s banana, she was too shy to check… _Not as much to show my own boobs_ , she thought, but kept the thought to herself, as the discussion at hand was already difficult enough as it was.  
«Candy, please, don’t go all inner monolouging on us… We were just kidding, you really don’t have to tell us anything».  
Candy raised her eyes and saw Rosa’s honest smile, bust still kept quiet. She and Rosalya, they’d been best friends for quite some time now and Rosa was a very perceiving friend; in her heart, Candy knew that Rosa was already well aware that Kentin and her didn’t spend the night playing chess, especially after the texts they exchanged that same day,… But just because something was obvious, didn’t mean she had to voice it out, right? Moreso because everybody already knew, there was no pointing in saying it out loud.  
«There she goes inner monolouging again» Alexy commented in a huff. «I go buy something to drink, wait me here» he added, raising for his chair and joining the line at the bar.  
The moment the two girls were alone, Rosa’s tone changed completely.  
«I just told him you were with Kentin, not what happened», she clarified, «but you have to forgive him for being so inquisitive».  
«I’m not mad at Alex, I think I’m just… Still too new to this aspect of my relationship to talk about it openly…».  
Rosa smiled. «It’s understandable. And it’s your business, we cannot force stuff out of you. Not everybody likes to talk about their private life, not even with lifelong friends, it’s just…».  
«Just what…?».  
There was something sinister in the way Rosa started chewing her bottom lip and averting her eyes from meeting Candy’s, and the silence filling the room was anything but relaxing. Candy waited a while for her friend to finish the sentence, but when Rosa picked up the phone to check her messages Candy understood she wasn’t getting any explanation. They just what…? Had they actually talked about her relationship within themselves while she was out with Kentin? Was this how they spent their afternoon together?  
«Rosa-», Candy began to say, but she was soon cut short by her friend’s chirpy voice.  
«Have you chosen what to do with your life? I was considering taking a year off to help Leigh with the shop, before choosing a university course, what about you?».  
Candy opened her mouth to answer, but she only stayed there with her jaw hanging low. Three moods suddenly set in her mind: first mood, she despised being cut short like that; second mood, she was also happy the discussion about Kentin’s banana was over; third mood, Kentin’s banana was probably a far better discussion that the one they were having right now.  
«I didn’t think about it yet…» she whispered, sipping her drink.  
«You should think fast, the summer is about to finish».  
She hummed. That drink sure was bitter.

***

Her skin was boiling under his touch, as Kentin moved his arms around Candy’s shoulders to claim her as his.  
«I’m not a bucket of chocolate ice cream» she pouted, half glad and half amused by the situation. «Nobody is going to try themselves on me».  
After those words, Kentin’s possessive hug became tighter for a second, before finally breaking and releasing the girl from the embarrassing position.  
«Sorry» he pouted back, after few seconds of scratching his head in embarrassment and biting in lips in irritation. «But the way that guy was staring at your breasts?».  
«He wasn’t staring at my breasts».  
«He was so staring at your breasts».  
Candy rolled her eyes and held her arms around her chest in a self-hugging way; one that was meant to mean “ _I have no boobs so don’t stare at them_ ” but screamed “ _I’m hiding massive, explosive bomb boobs under my terrible arm coverage, please pay more attention now that I’m looking like a human chicken than when I was behaving like a normal girl on the beach_ ”. It wasn’t even that Kentin was proving to be jealous the problem, because truth to be told, she loved that her boyfriend was so caring and protective –because yes, that guy was _so_ staring at her chest- only she didn’t want to spend the entire day worrying about other people’s gaze when all she wanted was just to take a walk on the water edge with her beautiful boyfriend by her side.  
Nor she wanted her mood to be spoiled by something so minor.  
It was awkward for few seconds, as Kentin fixated on Candy and Candy fixated on the guy and the guy fixated on Candy’s boobs and Candy’s boobs screamed to be freed by their fleshy jail. Then it happened in seconds –they were all fixating something and then BAM- and there Kentin was, assuming himself the breast-saving chicken position and trying to squish his pectorals between his biceps. He looked absolutely idiotic –was she looking the same?- but adorable nonetheless. And that was about it. She couldn’t be annoyed at him when he looked like a little sorry chick.  
«Can I release the babies now?» she asked laughing.  
«Nah, we _both_ must walk looking like weirdos» he laughed with her, before adding: «Just kidding. Free the babies. If somebody stares I just powerbomb them into the ocean».  
Candy took the chance to put her hand over Kentin’s one and as the started walking again, their fingers mingled and kept caressing each other all the time.  
«So, was Rosa still mad at you?».  
Candy shook her head. «You’d be surprised which miracles shopping can do».  
«And did you tell her about… you know…».  
Of course “she knows”. «Didn’t need to. Rosa and I are like too parts of the same entity, she knew it probably the same moment it happened».  
«I understand».  
«Also I may or may not have sent her a message the afternoon before I came over» she revealed, with probably more anxiety and overlapping words than she meant too. Definitely with too few pauses to breath in between.  
Kentin nodded, but didn’t add anything. For a while. Then, it seemed like the real bugging question became for hard for him to pretend it didn’t exist, and after other few moments of silence he added: «Did you tell Alexy?».  
He was trying his hardest to make it sound like a random question, like a little curiosity of his with no real interest about the answer, but it was clear to Candy that that was all a façade; it was clear from the way he avoided her eyes at every cost, and how his hand became more sweaty and his nerves tensed underneath his skin. It was such a strange reaction, so strange and more importantly, so nonsensical. What was the matter with Alex knowing? They were best friends, of course he was going to know –even if she didn’t tell him and neither did Rosa, she just couldn’t keep this secret from him. He was also an amazing person and a good friend,… Even if Alex was aware, no problem was going to show itself, right? Right?  
«I didn’t tell him, but he also got it…».  
«Did he ask some… some questions?».  
Candy was honestly puzzled by now. What was the deal with Alex, what was wrong? Rethinking about when she met her friends, she couldn’t help but the recall how Rosa also seemed to be hiding something from her. And how fast Alex fled from the situation, like he wanted to be there and _not_ actually be there at the same time,…  
«Is everything okay? Between you and Alexy, I mean».  
Kentin tensed – obviously so- and stopped for a second, but then put up his fakest smile and pretended like nothing happened.  
«No way, Candy! Everything is fine, it’s just… you know…».  
«No, I don’t know» she blocked him, cutting his illogical explanation. «But you know what I know? That I didn’t come all the way to the beach just to talk about Alex. I was really craving for this day».  
Kentin gulped, but pretended he wasn’t still distressed, the same way Candy pretended she hadn’t noticed it.  
«Yeah, you were quite insistent about this beach date. May I ask why?».  
She blushed, the Alex thing already forgotten. «Last time I was here everyone from high school popped out of the blue too. Rosa, Castiel, Nath and Amber, Lysandre,… You were the only one who wasn’t here and somehow it didn’t feel right».  
«Bet you had a lot of fun».  
«Yes, I actually did» she began to say, suddenly remembering all the crazy stuff that happened. «Was a real blast».  
«If I don’t remember wrong, it was at the beach that you kissed that Dake guy».  
The blush was now a full-body scarlet-shaded wetsuit, with some spark of purple here and there and two bonfires placed over where her ears once used to be. Damn Candy, you just had to tell him what happened with Dake, didn’t you?  
«Jealous? If I remember correctly, you also kissed Amber back in the day!» she shouted, louder than she originally expected.  
«I had a reason to!».  
«So did I! I mean… Well… You get the point… Also it wasn’t me, he was the one who kissed me… And you know full well I never held any feelings for him, if not irritation».  
He puffed. «Okay, I admit it makes me a bit jealous, but it’s not something I can change. It’s your past and it’s from when we weren’t together yet, so I have no reason to be mad over it. Nor right to».  
They smiled at each other and kissed each other like that was the only reasonable thing to do on the spot. Candy felt so lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend; he was a bit of a hot-head, true, and also had troubles keeping his emotions under control, especially when it came to her; but he was also a real caring kid, always trying his best to make her happy, sometimes sacrificing his own happiness in the process. He was also aware of his faults and tried to become a better person. Some people, if you tell them they’re too aggressive or possessive, they just scream louder and hold tighter; Kentin would sit there, trying to contain his raging feels and then apologize and understand why he couldn’t do that. He was jealous, yeah, but in the good way. In the healthy, interested way. She knew that, for how pissed he could make him, he wasn’t really going to hold a grudge for the Dake fling the same way he wasn’t really going to throw Mr. Wandering Eyes on the ocean for that glare.  
«Thank you for understanding» she whispered, after a full session of passionate kisses in front of the whole beach.  
«It’s okay. There are worse problems in the world».  
«Like the glacial retreat?».  
«Like you freeing the babies in front of Nathaniel in this same beach».  
«It was an accident!» she shouted back, the terrible memory of her failed attempt to make friend with Nath on the beach suddenly coming back to haunt her. Despite everything, Kentin must had made that joke with the sole purpose of annoying her, because he was already running even before she got a chance to answer and was laughing all the way while doing so. He was so beautiful. So genuine, so nice, so cheerful,… He said he turned that little Ken living inside him in an impure adult, but it was not possible. Nothing, about the amazing human being standing in front of her could be considered impure.

***

It was a rainy day that day. All television programs had warned the region that those days would have been particularly cold and windy, despite it being mid-August, so most of the people had opted for leaving their beachy dreams behind and enjoy a random cosy afternoon in the middle of summer, with all the snacks, hot chocolates and plushy socks necessary to survive the situation. Their face made it clear that they weren’t exactly suffering in doing so – apparently a cosy afternoon in front of a boiling drink and a Netflix movie was what people were digging the most in those days.  
Candy would have loved to just lay under the oversized cover in the oversized bed of her boyfriend, cuddling and chilling and enjoying that strange feeling only the repair from the cold was able to give, but she had a task that day and it wasn’t an easy one. Papers scattered here and there, laptop open with all the windows closed –except for Rihanna’s playlist in shuffle; she couldn’t stop Rihanna’s playlist in shuffle- and few scholastic brochures framing the corners of her desk, Candy was trying to sort her life out.  
Her school life was like a minidrama. She felt like Patty from Patito Feo: all she wanted was to do pyjama parties with her friends, but all of a sudden she had to survive the “divinas”’ vexations; and when it wasn’t them, it was the wrong person confessing or a family’s hidden twin jumping into the plot. The story got always messier as time progressed, always “adulter” –more adult and more adultery- and before she knew it somebody got superpowers,… She wondered how much money she could have done turning her school life misadventures into an Argentinian soup opera, given the amount of stress and surprises she endured, definitely not few,… And it wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy a big part of those dramas, most of the time _she_ was the one throwing herself at them,… But between this evil ex-girlfriend and that evil fuck-father, she didn’t have any energy left to worry about her future.  
What was she going to do, now? High school was a concentration of problems, gossips, bad marks and pimples on the forehead; it was the apotheosis of hormonal crisis, with hysterical cries and wet dream about brothers you shouldn’t be having wet dream about, but it was also a certitude. High school was a certitude. As long as you were in high school, everything was arranged for you: classes in the morning, lunch made by mom, homework, hang outs, dinners, family comfort,… But after high school? When was the right time to move out of her house? What was she spending the rest of her life doing? Was it time to open a political magazine and find out the actual meaning of words such as “spread”, “stock exchange” and “quotation”?  
The more she thought about it, the more she felt confused. As she looked at the little annotation on the paper in front of her, she also felt stupid:  
Annotation number one: “ _Astronaut_ ”. The coolest job ever, but also one that went hand to hand with years of physical training, scientific study and plane driving. She couldn’t keep up with Kentin’s running speed; she hated chemistry as much as she hated putting condoms on bananas during chemistry class; she once fell from the bike because she couldn’t remember how to ride it properly. The basis was all but promising, yet the job was so amazing that maybe it was worth a try. If she put the energy she usually had for not minding her own business into learning the actual utility of physics, she could even end up on Mars. Discover aliens. Becoming the new Armstrong, only with Martians to love her as a goddess. And then getting problems while coming back to Earth, losing speed and battery or whatever the rockets needed to work and end up alone in the galaxy waiting to die, away from Kentin forever,… No, that was such a bad career. Why was that even there?  
Annotation number two: “ _Clerk at Leigh’s shop_ ”. This was, if possible, the total opposite of the previous one, and the reveal of all her incertitude. Being a clerk implied the possibility to skip university, to get discount on clothes, to stay as close as possible with Rosa forever and to not die in a cruel but still very aesthetically romantic way. It also meant enduring people’s crazy behaviour on a daily basis and entering the adult world in the blink of an eye. Okay, Leigh was going to help her with the last part, but was she ready? To buy a house, to start the final stage of her life, to spread that exchanging quotation in stock? Maybe not yet.  
Annotation number three: “ _Popstar_ ”. Just for her broken child dreams. Next.  
Annotation number four: “ _Art-ist/teacher/expert/something/? – question mark needed_ ”. Here was the thing about this very confused option… Was it safer than hibernating in space? Yes. Was it a school subject she liked more than science? Yes. Did she actually do like it? _Hell yes_. She didn’t only like art history, Candy loved art history; she loved the teacher, the teaching method, the paintings, the sculptures, the atmosphere, the sense of belonging to something older but emotionally near, the feeling forming in her guts as she recognized scenes and details and emotions she never experienced first-hand, but that she felt like she was living just by watching them. It was her favourite subject and she could really see her studying it for the rest of her life; but here was the thing, that she couldn’t study forever, that at some point there was no more to learn about Caravaggio and no more tendency to put between Pointillism and Cubism and she would have to put all that knowledge into practice. One doesn’t study art to become an astronaut, so her career was going to be kind of fixed in some way. And she knew she was going to like that “some way”, was it a teacher or a gallerist or a new exponent of the Dadaism, but it wasn’t an easy task. Becoming a teacher required years of patient, being an artist nowadays meant leaving of bread and air,… It was a risky choice and for how much she was considering it –more than popstar and astronaut for sure- she couldn’t say how worthy it was.  
She wasn’t kin to swearing, but _fuck was this hard_ …

***

«Candy, can we talk to you?» asked her father that same evening during dinner, the tone as low and guilty as a murderer confessing his crime.  
She’d lived with this man for eighteen years. She knew all the many shades of her father’s voice and that particular cadence wasn’t a good sign. While he was very strict and grumpy, Philip was still a posed man and one proud of his choices and goals as that; for him to lower his head that way and act miserable even before Candy got a chance to say anything, meant that something really bad was going on.  
«Of course» she replied a bit anxious, eating a potato. Her mother posed hers down.  
«Did you decide what to do now? I mean, do you want to go to university?».  
She devoured another potato, trembling. «I don’t know yet. I was considering studying art history, but am still unsure».  
«That’s nice» intervened her mother, her smile suddenly too cheerful. «Almost every city has an art faculty in their campus!».  
«Well… This city also has, so I don’t see the problem» she affirmed, furrowing her brows. What was going on?  
Philip coughed uncomfortably and her mother bit the inner part of her cheek. «Honey» she said, as if it could be a good enough explanation for everything. «I don’t think we will be staying in this city for the beginning of the next scholastic year».  
Candy surprised herself, when the third potato didn’t stuck right there in her throat.  
«What the hell are you talking about?» she asked.  
«I got to move. For work. You come with me» said her father. Not in a guilty way anymore, but in a solemn one, in a way that didn’t leave no space for debate. As if that was enough, again, to explain everything, as if she didn’t even a voice in the matter and she couldn’t chose what to do –that’s why they asked, because if she said she had already decided, she should have given up on her idea. No possibility to say behind, to live in the campus or in a hostel like most of the pupils, to maybe ask Rosalya to adopt her for a while,…  
«But mom… dad… I… I don’t want…».  
«The B.A. in art history here is no good anyway» interrupted her mom. «And I know the next city has a better one».  
«It’s not about the university! What about Kentin?».  
«Honey, we can’t leave you behind…».  
«But I want to be near Kentin!».  
«You’ll find a new boy».  
At this point, she was slamming her fist on the table, sending the remain of her food to spread like a plague all over the place. With the corner of one eye –the one that wasn’t already wet with forming tears- she could she the only potato left rolling slowly on the ground.  
«I don’t want a new boyfriend! I want Kentin».  
«You’re too young to know what you really want and you are not staying here alone. You’ll come with us».  
«No!».  
She knew fighting was futile; she knew it from the moment her father’s voice came out as a funeral prayer from his mouth, still she couldn’t come to accept it, simply because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for them to tamper like that with her life, to force her into environments she didn’t want to experience. They’d done it already once before, when they moved to this city, and while it turned out to be one of the best choices they’d ever made, she wasn’t ready to do it again. She liked it here, she liked the familiarity she got to get with her people and the places, with the roads and the trees in the park,… She didn’t need a new Rosa or a new Alexy when she had the real ones. She didn’t need a new Kentin. She didn’t need a new Kentin.

***

It was still rainy and windy and cold, but she couldn’t help her skin boiling against Kentin’s. Storms were the last of her problems as his fingers traced the line that from her chin went down till her navel, then went up again and caught her jaw with strength but gentleness, then moved south again, then trembled slightly against her curves,… She was shivering, but in the hot way. Not in the mid-summer storm way.  
Post sex was always a very strange sensation, no matter how many times she’s undergone it already. There was the dizziness still in circle and that sense of oblivion and ecstasy and satisfaction and the complete denial of the outside world. Problems forgotten. Dramas unnecessary. Nothing to disturb her if not the faint feeling of “tickleness” of her over-touched skin under Kentin’s touch. It was in moments like this that she forgot how messy things were going to get now.  
«Are you alright?» asked Kentin, kissing her shoulder softly. The poor boy must have seen the thinking expression on her face.  
«Thinking».  
«About the fact that you will soon move to a different continent?».  
She rolled her eyes. «It’s a different city».  
«But it feels like a different continent».  
Candy decided to move her body from the supine position to a lateral one, so that she could watch her boyfriend with more care. She didn’t want to say it out loud, especially with Kentin being so upset about it already, but sometimes she really felt like these were the last moments she could spend staring him straight in the face and admiring every single, small, perfect detail of his small and perfect face.  
She didn’t say it out loud either, but the way the “new Kentin” manifested himself in school after his military training kept her awake at night for days, despite her interest not being romantic back at the time. When he’d left and then came back, Candy had learnt the values of “familiarity”; she was so used to seeing the same faces over and over for so long, she could tell them by heart; blindfolded, she could tell the colour of everyone’s eyes, the exact location of Iris’s dimples on her cheeks as she smiled, how many freckles were on Peggy’s face, which perfume Melody was going to wear on a Monday,… If it was a game –like Who wants to be a millionaire? or Guess Who?- she would win every single play. They were so well imprinted on her mind there was no way she could forget any of them.  
But then Kentin came back and he was different. So different that she didn’t even recognized him on the spot and while she liked the changes, they also moved something in her and not in the good way. If they had given her a chance to be a millionaire, she would have given the wrong answer; if she could guess who, she wouldn’t recognize him. _A stranger, that was a stranger_. A new face, somebody she couldn’t identify and that scared her. The rapidity with which his cheeks got slimmer and his hair grew and fuck, it wasn’t even about physic, it was about him. He wasn’t the same person he was before –little Ken was dead- and _she felt so left out_. It was the lack of familiarity that kept her awake at night because he didn’t like the same things he did before and he didn’t react the way he used to before and he didn’t fit into space the way his body had always done before, with his height being this much and his weight being this much and his cheeks reddening this much.  
As she stared into his eyes, she wondered how long she could stay away before she started forgetting the trait of his nose, how long before the line of that smile started to change. She didn’t want to forget and she didn’t want Kentin to change without her. She couldn’t do it the first time around, when they were just friends, and she surely couldn’t do it now that they were lovers. It would have killed her, to see Kentin take a path she wasn’t a full part of… To see him just move away, somehow…  
«I checked and your city has a big art faculty» he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had formed between them –and the panic that was beginning to pour out in the form of tears in Candy’s eyes.  
«I know» she tried to smile without cracking. «As soon as my parent found out what faculty I was pondering over, mom did all the researches possible about it».  
«I think me and your mom should talk about it. I found three or four negative points I would like to discuss about; who knows, maybe they get disappointed and let you study here…».  
Candy chuckled. «Are you talking about the stabbing of the 1975? Because in case, it was an external robber who got reached by a policeman there and the policeman was stabbed there by chances; unless I start robbing near shops, they don’t see why the next jabbed person should be me».  
«Oh, I was so sure I was winning the confrontation with the stab story!».  
Kentin faked crying and Candy just laughed more at his acting. She knew he was as scared as she was about it all, yet the fact that he still found the strength to be reassuring for the both of them caused a bunch of butterflies to start hurricaning in her stomach. Such a loving, caring boy,… How could she survive so long without him?  
«I have to tell you the truth» she admitted, biting her lips in guilt. «I did some research on the campus in general and it is a super good one. Not Top 10 level, but we’re almost there. And it’s huge, they have all kind of faculties! Did you know people can graduate in wood? What does a wooder do? I don’t know but I am intrigued».  
«I think it’s called carpenter, not wooder. And the faculty is about being a good carpenter and choosing the right wood for the right commission» Kentin rectified her, snickering. The way his voice filled the air was warm and reassuring.  
«That’s not my point. I mean, since there are so many options, even the most unthinkable one, maybe we can find something for… you?».  
If Kentin’s eyes weren’t securely attached to his brain, they would have probably popped out for how big they became at her sudden affirmation. His mouth also moved in a small, silent “o” that could mean many things: “oh shit”, “oh crap”, “oh fuck”, “oh yes!”,… Candy really wished it was an “oh yes!”, but she didn’t want to gamble with her luck. She was known for having none.  
At first, Kentin just stayed there with that dumb expression, but as the words sank deeper and the silence became more and more insufferable, he finally reverted to a more contrived face, his dark eyebrows furrowing to the point where they almost touched and his eyes low and guilty. As expected, his hand moved from Candy’s hips to the back of his head and started scratching it mindlessly.  
«I have already decided what I want to do now».  
It’s Candy’s turn for her face to twist. «Excuse me?» she pouted, rising up to a sitting position. «You never told me you chose».  
«It’s not that I chose a definitive choice, but I am really considering it…» he explaining, joining her in a sitting position.  
«What is it?» she insisted, her eyes fixed on Kentin, her pupils staring into his.  
The scratching, which never stopped, was almost frenetic now and his mouth opened two or three times with no success before he finally decided to take a deep breath, close his eyes and answer.  
«I was considering going back to the military camp».  
Moments of silence. And shock and betrayal and _anger_.  
«Are you kidding me?» she hisses, turning her eyes into two scary stabbing pins. «The military camp? You hate that place!».  
«Let me explain».  
«If you want to throw your life at the first thing you find, you may as well just come with me and pick the wood faculty!».  
«Candy…» Kentin starts to say, but then something must have hit him in the back of the head as he spoke, because he stopped his sentence midway and settled for a long, deep breath. She knows he’s doing that because one of the two has to remain calm during an argument, but that doesn’t prevent her from keeping her anger at maximum level.  
«I really thought this out» he continues, and this time he stops her from speaking before he’s done. Holding a finger gently over her gritting teeth. «Let’s put all the cards on the table: I’m not a bookworm. My grades were terrible and overall, I had no interest for almost all of the subjects,…I just couldn’t wait to finish high school and to start it all over again with university? _No thank you_. I know you’re a smartass and will be amazing at it, but that’s not something for me…».  
Candy gulped down all the screams that were filling her head, as the anger started to leave her body. «And that’s understandable, but why the military camp!? You hated that place!».  
«I didn’t _hate_ that place. I had bad experiences, but once I started to hold my ground and show those bullies how to behave, it got so much better… Also Evan is there and trust me when I say he is doing a _fantastic_ job at changing the dynamics inside such places. New students reach there with a different attitude and leave with more values…».  
«Kentin» Candy whispered, her anger now full on sadness. «I cannot imagine you back to that camp…».  
He smiled at her, but of a sad smile and cupped her head delicately between his fingers, before kissing her –those kind of kisses that were so Kentin, so delicate and caring and all about her and letting her know how much she mattered to him. Kisses she had never experienced before and will probably never experience again with somebody else –but there won’t be somebody else, she and Kentin are meant to be.  
«Let’s face it, the more I think about it the more I see how this is the best option. Training is the thing I’m the best at, so it’s only natural for me to follow that path».  
The kisses continue for few times, maybe a bait Candy took too easy or maybe the result of her own volition to think about everything but the future pressing over their shoulders, everything but the undeniable fact that they are now adults with adults’ responsibilities, and so also the one to endure the separations and the distance and the inability to lay in bed like that twenty-four seven. And she knows it’s just a bait and a self-denial as the kisses are just there and not “Kentin”; they’re sweet and caring in shape, but not sweet in taste… They leave her more drained than before and what if this becomes the norm? What if one day they just get so bored and tired and distant that all their kisses are empty kisses and all they have left is habits that grew without each other having the opportunity to see them?  
But then he smiles at her and she feels better already. She could never get bored of that smile, never.  
Then she asked: «Why didn’t you tell me sooner?»  
He answered back: «The military camp takes away a lot of time and social life… Not the perfect option for somebody in a relationship. I waited because I didn’t want to go there and lose all that precious time with you… until you told me you have to move. Trust me, I would have tried my hardest to rot in this city if it meant you were here with me, but having to wait you alone anyway is what gave me the strength to finally take my choice».  
«Hurray for my dad…» Candy grunted and hid her swollen eyes in the crook of his neck, hugging him as tight as she could. She didn’t want him to leave her, please Kentin don’t leave here…  
«Maybe we’ll be able to meet every weekend».  
She smiled meekly, but didn’t reply.

***

«Promise to write me every day at least a message. At least to let me know you are okay» she screams after him, as the train leaves the station to bring him back to that horrible military camp. She wants to cry and she cries.

***

«Promise to write us every day at least a message! At least to let us know you are okay» Rosa and Alex scream after her, as the car leaves their (ex) garage for the last time. She can see herself in the juvenile determination Alexy has to keep this thing alive and in the grieve that fills Rosalya’s eyes; yet she can feel the need for Kentin to be there to say goodbye as well. As Rosa cries silently, she also cries.

***

As it turned out, meeting every weekend proved to be impossible. If they were lucky they got to see each other once a month and only for few days at a time. It was such a draining situation, Candy spent most of her time crying or fighting with her parents; after a while, even replying to Rosa’s messages became painful and she stopped doing it –because that’s life, because chatting and coexisting are two completely different worlds and she can say all she wants about it, but she and Alexy are moving on, are evolving together but without her and those adventures they live without Candy, they change them in a way they can’t change Candy, now only an external fed by passed gossips.  
If she wanted to be totally honest, there was also another reason why her behaviour toward her best friends had changed and that was that she finally got to know what the hell was going on between Kentin and Alexy and all their secrecy: it took her a long while to realize that Kentin still had no clue about Alexy’s feeling for him, only to find out through a drunken Rosa on the phone that the blue-hair boy had already confessed everything to Kentin the day of the prom. The prom. _The prom_. She was already pissed enough about being left out of something so huge, but Alexy confessing completely sober at the prom is synonym with Alexy confessing _while Kentin and Candy were already together_. And Rosa knew!  
Candy could understand leaving her out of the matter for a while, since it wasn’t exactly a polite thing to do. She could also get why they didn’t feel like Judas-level betrayers doing so, as it was clear to all parties involved that it wasn’t a confession in order to get Kentin to love him back, but just to finally speak the truth and somehow putting an end to that unilateral liking. But the fact that after all this time they still hadn’t told her anything about it still made her feel betrayed. She was now glad she never talked with Alex about her private life because he had no right to know anything about it anymore! God, that was why when she and Rosa were still video-calling and telling each other the most vulgare things, Kentin made sure Alex was left out of everything! The poor guy must have been so uncomfortable…*  
Somehow, she felt that as another sign that her friends were changing into something she wasn’t a part of anymore. This, mixed with the slight feeling of cheating she held in her chest, helped closing the relationship. She hadn’t seen them once since she left the city and for a long time now, she hadn’t heard from them either –she wasn’t searching for them as much as they weren’t searching for her now… a good compromise in Candy’s mind.  
Not like she didn’t start her own new beginning: she wasn’t the only new girl in town, nor was she the only one who reached there knowing nobody, so all the lonely people kind of got the super-power to detect one another and stick to each other in search for comfort. The people studying at her university were peculiar but nice; as expected from an art faculty, it was full of exuberant and artistic people, ones full of world living in their own heads and unbelievable craftsmanship. This girl rocked the best mullet since the 80’; this boy knew how to create a portrait out of domino pieces; then there was “Miss Missing”, a funny lady who’d been enrolled on the campus for fifteen years and that, while keep failing all the exams, could tell you in the detail everything about art from prehistory till contemporaneity. Candy really couldn’t say she was bored nor that she felt lonely away from Rosalya and Alexy.  
Kentin was another question tho. Kentin and she met once a month for two days. Not that it was more enthusiastic than absentmindedly answering Rosa’s texts. It’s mostly a long recap of all what they did in the meantime, a few short dates like cinema, park walking or a dinner out and then good sex. The one that screams “This is our only chance for this month” with every trust. It’s methodical, it’s always the same and it’s also the only way they can experience all what a normal couple does in thirty days in fourty-eight hours. She hates the static nature of the situation, but if this is the only way to stay with her beloved, so be it… She won’t let the adult life get the best of them…

***

«So how’s the camp going?» Candy asked, munching her sandwich.  
The air was fresh that day, but she liked how it caressed her nose and cheeks and sent shivering sensations through her skin. It was also a good excuse for Kentin to stick closer and put his arms around her in an attempt to keep her warm. Lovely, lovely Kentin. He took a sip of water before answering.  
«Do you remember that spy movie we watched few time ago? The one with the jumping lady and Nick Fury».  
«Kingsman?».  
«Indeed. And do you remember the scene where they all get to get their own puppy?».  
Candy swallowed the sandwich bite and probably a big part of her fears as she grunted: “Please tell me you don’t have to shoot a puppy”.  
“What? No babe!” Kentin was fast to reply, reassuring her and at the same time laughing at her strange fantasy. As if it was funny what she just said. «You really don’t trust this camp, do you? Anyway no. But last week the big bosses decided we should undergo some rescue training, in order to be prepared if something happens one day in the future. Evan managed to give us recruits a say in the matter and Sophie suggested we do some dog-related training as well. Best idea ever, even the bigger thought so! With dogs, we can experience water rescuing, ruins rescuing, tracking,… And because we need dogs who know what they have to do, Oliver said we should all get our own puppy and train them to be training-worth dogs!».  
«I hope they give you a tiny Yorkshire. You’d look great with a pochette Yorkshire», Candy joked. She tried not to show how she had no idea who Sophie and Oliver were and how the familiarity Kentin spoke about them show they were close; close to him and total strangers to her…  
Kentin almost jumped with delight. «You won’t believe this: father allowed me to bring Cookie. My Cookie! I was missing him so much…».  
She wished she could also be allowed to enter the training camp and visit him as much as her heart desired, but she was still happy he got a chance to bring his dog with him. She knew how much he cared about Cookie, though she still hurt a bit not being given the same opportunity. But he was so radiant in that moment. How his eyes sparkled with hoy and the sunlight shone on his pure white teeth; his hair was swinging left and right as his mind got lost in thoughts, excited and child-inducting ones. It was in moments like this she could say without a trace of doubt that he was happy and that he was ready to confront the problem of the world and that it was worth it. Everything was so worth it. She can survive the distance and the lost and the longing if it means that she get to see that stunning smile once again.

***

The situation prolonged itself for around a year. Seven hours of train, a long kiss at the station, a rewind of the last month, several complaints about teacher/friend/parent/whatever, a chilling cuddle on the sofa, back to the park to take a walk and talk some more, dinner out, sex, morning, unshed tears at the thought that it was over again and then actual tears as they said goodbye.  
It was extenuating and methodical, but Candy was ready to do it if it was the only way for her to have Kentin. That sweet, sweet Kentin that told her how she was her life-long love; Kentin that called her princess and got adorably possessive on the beach; the boy that always listened to her words with the upmost care and had a bit of a childish Kentin,…  
The same Kentin that, after fourteen months of this relationship charade, looked at her with eyes she had never seen before and a smile she had never seen before. “ _It’s me_ ” he said but he wasn’t; everything was wrong and she remembered it all of a sudden, like a punch in the guts, the idea that he could slipper from her fingers and mingle with an external world she couldn’t be part of, until all what remained was a new version of her old love, who started his updating without her, who reached the 100% without her, with her still there updating, with her that couldn’t click for that update to cancel itself.  
After fourteen months, that smile began vague until it finally disappeared. Why? Because he didn’t love her anymore? Of course he did, Kentin will always love Candy, wouldn’t he. But the reasons to smile became fewer and fewer and the ones to argue more and more. “Why didn’t you tell me you wouldn’t have been here this Saturday?”. “Who’s this Sophie, you always talk about her”. “The exam went wrong, I need to be alone now”. “I miss you”. “I need you. Here, now”.  
Had they also reached a point when they had just moved away too much from each other? As the circle of repetitiveness turned and turned, it also tried to suck the blood out of their bodies and the happiness out of their relationship, until all what was left was a hollow sack of what once was. She was empty.  
«Let’s just sit and talk». It was Kentin who spoke. Kentin who found the courage to do it. Kentin who was strong for both of them, as always.  
Her eyes watered before she even got to speak and as Kentin’s arms surrounded her in a reassuring embrace, she could feel how the shape of that hug was different. And cold. So cold. It didn’t give her any reassurance, just caused her to be sadder.  
«Candy» he continued. «Please don’t cry».  
«How can you expect me not to? Even your arms… Even your arms are not the same…» she accused him. As if it was his fault. As if it was his fault he kept growing and changing and turning into something she couldn’t reach anymore. «You’re not the same anymore» she spoke.  
«I could say the same thing about you».  
«I didn’t change».  
«You did».  
«I didn’t change!».  
«You don’t notice but you did!» he replied, angry or maybe just sad. But loud and grieving and teary. «Of course you don’t, it’s harder to see the change in yourself than in others. You always blame me of not telling you things, of getting new habits from new people, of keeping you out,… You don’t notice Candy, but you also have a life you don’t tell me about! You also have friends that are only for yourself! You also started acting like somebody else, with an attitude that doesn’t belong to that Candy I met when we were so young…».  
After Kentin spitted out all what he had to say, they sit on the verge of his bed in silence for what felt like years, as Candy tried to recollect herself and be the mature person of this story. Yes. Maybe she wasn’t as innocent as she wanted to make herself look, but it wasn’t her fault, the same way it wasn’t Kentin’s. Life required them to grow distant and put them against a force to strong for them to conquer. And she tried to, because if they survived this long was only for their will to fight that enemy, defeat him and prove a point, but it didn’t work out. In the end, the enemy won and as a price for its prowess required them to turn into a hollow form of their old selves.  
«Do you still love me? Even this new Candy?» she asked him, staring at her shoes apathetically. Kentin had been in love with her since forever, so how came it was easier for him to call it all off?  
«Of course I do. Do you?».  
«Of course I do…».  
«But things are not going well».  
She wished she could be the mature person in this story, but as her heart grew more and more hard in her chest, she realized it couldn’t be possible. «They’re not… But I wish they did. I wish that, as long as two people love each other, things always go well».  
Kentin snickered cynically. «Having to be your boyfriend was my dream since I was twelve. Everything I expected except for things turning out the way they did. I always told myself that, if I managed to get you, then nothing could ever keep us apart, that I would have fought teeth and nails to hold onto you forever. I still love you but,…This is not the relationship I imagined… This is not something I should hold onto anymore».  
She wondered if things could have been different, had they had the chance to stay together longer. If her parents hadn’t forced her out of town and if Kentin decided to not go to the military camp, then maybe they would have spent a life time together with none of these problems presenting themselves. They would have studied in the same faculty and then found a job; as the salary became decent, they would have bought a small apartment just right next to the city, but in a calm and relaxing open field away from its noises; they would have eventually married and had children and lived the rest of their lives with eyes that glimmered with joy as they talked about Cookie to the grandchildren and with a sense of familiarity so strong that they could basically read each other mind for how in sync they were. They would have never known Sophie or the mullet girl, their habits would have never change and their hugs would have stayed the same as they held tight into each other. The longest distance interposing between them would have been that small inch of sheet separating their mouths as they breathed next to each other in bed.  
What a wonderful dream… How many lost opportunities…  
«We’re breaking up» she claimed. Something they both knew, but as the tears started to flow violently over her cheeks, she had the need to speak these words, to say them out loud. «We’re breaking up».  
«We’re breaking up» he repeated, in a tone she couldn’t decipher –because he tried to hide it and because she didn’t want to and because she didn’t know how to read this new Kentin.  
«Can we still be friends?» she asked.  
He stared. At what, she didn’t know. «I love you too much, Candy… Even after everything, I don’t think I will be able to. If we text and chat and talk… I’m going to fall again, only for the same problems to rise up once more. I think… No, I don’t think, I _want_ you to leave me behind for a long while…».  
He passed a tired hand over his eyes and now he was crying as well. And they were gone.

***

The months pass and the season change and the birds keep flying in the sky as the bazar opens today as the day before. With time you stop seeing him in everyone and missing him in everything. Sometimes, as Candy listens to the voices of her schoolmates, she hears a voice that is just the right tone or a laugh that is just too similar or a whisper that sends shivers down her spine and cause tears to form in her eyes… But it’s never him and how could it be as he doesn’t exist anymore? She caressed the part of her shoulder where his hands used to grab, when he protected her chest from unwanted view. She laughed tired at the memory; of a place, of a time, of a person that wasn’t anymore,… All what she was missing was the good time with a shy and stubborn Kentin who was now a confident and capable soldier. Where was he? Was he in war somewhere, or helping Evan in that same academy or maybe he quitted,… Sometimes she liked to daydream about what happened to that young man, imagine him in the most impossible situations. Once he was fighting against an army trying to start World War Three, another time he got married to this beautiful American lady and opened a dog training centre with her, another one –the worst- he reconnected with Rosa and Alex and together they all three spent time accusing Candy of being a horrible friend and a horrible girlfriend, only to went on marry the three of them and move to Caracas to start an astronaut agency.  
In her mind, he got the most unusual of personalities. He was loud, had a fake Spanish accent, liked to do polish nails, spent the evening watching Gilmore Girls,… He was never the boy she wants knew because it was easier to think that nothing of him stayed and that it wasn’t worth fighting for that tiny bit anymore.  
It happened one evening. She was having a dinner conversation with her parents when the subject got brought up.  
«Is there some pretty boy in your class, sweetheart?».  
«No mom» she answered joyless. She didn’t like talking about her personal life with her family.  
«Sure? I though you and that new guy –what was his name?- were getting along very well when you invited him here for homework».  
«Homework» repeated her father, in a tone that meant “as if they were here for homework”.  
«Trust me mom, there’s nothing between me and him. He’s just a friend».  
Her mom puffed and went back to eat her veggies. «Since his eyes are so similar to Kentin’s, I thought you had a type or something».  
The world crushed as she heard those words. How come she had never noticed how similar the eyes were? Probably because she couldn’t remember Kentin’s eyes. Yes. As she tried to do a brief brainstorming, she took few second to remember the colour of his eyes and still couldn’t recall the shape, nor the width, nor how the light reflected in them. Nor the exact shape of his nose, nor the sensation of his skin against hers. She had just forgotten. Once again she remembered the thought about becoming a stranger to somebody.  
It happened and how was she to react? Maybe she was supposed to cry, to blame whoever forced her most important relationship to die like that; maybe she should have searched for him on Facebook, recalled all his face traits and maybe text him and wish him back into her life; maybe she should have tried harder. But she didn’t feel the need to cry. She didn’t even care about his face. She was over him and somehow, the idea that she could be happy once again just made her happy.  
That night, as she stared at the ceiling from under her covers, she imagined him lying in a different bed, with a different person; a huge smile spread across his face as she said a funny joke and he couldn’t help but laugh a crystal laugh and hug her tight. He told her how much he loved her, how much he never loved anybody the same way and how he never will. He would treat her with all the care he couldn’t give to Candy and as he reminds their past in his mind, he swore he would never make the same mistakes. In this setting he was over her and somehow, the idea that he could be happy once again just made her happy.


End file.
